I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
