So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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