He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
