I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
