ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
