Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
