4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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