i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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