he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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