why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
