dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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