I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
