I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
