I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
