Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
