She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
