its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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