Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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