Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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