I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
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I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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