I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
