I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
