Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
