If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
