that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
