Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
