just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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