I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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