at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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