I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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