I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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