I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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