I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
