High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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