You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
