she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
