hell yes lets make some ravioli
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
