wakey wakey hands off snakey
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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