so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
