Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i would punch a child for taco bell
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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