dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
