hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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