So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
