wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
