Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
