I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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