i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
