definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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