fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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