we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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