so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
