I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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