Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
