I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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