Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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