he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
