yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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