I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just tell him i said nine months
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
