Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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