he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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