NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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