Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
