he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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