I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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